As I write this sentence, it’s nearly midnight on a Sunday night. Something I’ve learned about songwriting (which is something I do now, sometimes) is that it’s easier to write when you’re tired. That little voice in your head that criticizes everything you put to paper just doesn’t have the energy to tell you that “broken” and “deep vein thrombosis” are not words that should be rhymed together. (Yes, those are actual lyrics from one of my songs.) Likewise, being tired is also conducive to making bad decisions about a website you started four years ago.
At the start of this pandemic, lots of people were treating lockdown like it was a personal retreat. You know all of those times we said to ourselves, “I would love to do [passion project], but only if I had the time”? Now we had the time! Wannabe chefs were making sourdough starters that eventually consumed their homes. Apartment-dwelling folks started gardens on their balconies, and wound up with more tomatoes than they could ever make pasta sauce with.
That never happened to me. No matter how hard I tried, I coudn’t make anything happen. I sat with my piano and my ukulele (also new) for hours, trying to write another song, to no avail. I barely journaled at all, despite having dozens of empty notebooks from Muji. I stopped carrying my camera around since I got a little tired of taking photos of my backyard.
Despite seemingly everyone taking advantage of their newfound hobby time, all I could do was sit here and read TV Tropes pages for games I’ll never play. But I am nothing if not both a sheep and a late bloomer, and I am determined to follow this trend, no matter how foolish it may be.
So here’s my ill-advised passion project: I’m starting my blog again. It feels weird to say that, considering that I’ve never really stuck with a blog before (see the five posts below that stop abruptly at the end of 2016). I’ve tried, though. Hoo boy, have I tried. Basically every four years from 2000 onward, I’ve thought to myself, “I should start a blog.” And then I open a free blog, come up with a snazzy (read: stupid) name for it, pick out a fun theme, and then immediately run into writer’s block. What was I going to write about?
My first issue was basically having no life experiences outside the classroom. I wasn’t social in high school or university. Never got invited to those wild parties depicted in every teen movie. My life consisted of going to school, then going home, and none of that made for a compelling blog post.
My second issue was that I didn’t feel comfortable posting stuff about myself on the internet. I was always warned to be careful about what I put up on the internet, because it would be up there *spooky ghost voice* fooooreeeeever. What if my future boss saw that I wrote a cuss word on the internet? What if I decide to run for prime minister, and people found out that I hate Paul McCartney’s Christmas song?
Several years later, I think I’ve sorted out those issues. I’ve travelled a bit, and have a bunch of experiences to share from my trips. I also have friends now, and we do things together! Turns out that having friends leads to a more enriched and fulfilling life? Oh, and I’ve kind of been posting stupid, unprofessional things on Instagram, so my chances of becoming prime minister are already shot. So nothing’s stopping me from making a blog happen! Right?
I imagine it’s generally ill-advised to publish a post that I just wrote, without giving time to simmer in my head. I should probably walk away from this text, take another look when I’m clear-headed, and post it when I’m absolutely sure it’s ready for primetime.
But hey, it’s 2020. There are no rules.